it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
