Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
