i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
