Kareoke will never be a sober sport
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
