this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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