just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
