hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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