this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
