What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
