either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
