i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
