well I can't set my house on fire every night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
