i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
