a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
