Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize