WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
