Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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