Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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