dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
