you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
a search helicopter?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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