I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
