The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
