I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm just crazy horny about you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
