How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
