omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
