What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
