if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
