At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
