Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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