last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
