Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
