dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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