i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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