I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
