Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
