i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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