He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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