I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
