Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
sex in a hospital.. check
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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