mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
