I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
