the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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