Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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