Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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