Don't you send me to vm
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
