I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
