Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I touched a dick in church today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
