She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize