wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
