You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
