Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
