just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
