I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
