WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
