Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
