yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
