you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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