I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
People in love make me want to vomit
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
