She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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