Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
