Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
