Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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