i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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