Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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