i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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