You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
