Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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