yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize