did you get engaged???
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
