Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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