Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
