i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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