how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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